I need help and idk if it's time to seek a professional. I think I am developing an ED.
First, my background:
I always loved working out but I was still chubby so I went to a nutritionist and lost almost 20lb by educating myself on food and doing low carb. Ended up ****ing up my metabolism and keept maintaining at 1400kcal, very restrictive, for more than a year. I had 40g carbs daily and I used to dream about food everyday.
Flexible dieting is triggering for me. Eating unclean food makes me bloat of glycogen and salts. So I went to a differenr nutritionist and he prescribed me a clean bulking diet with only clean food, except for going out on the weekends, when I can have 2 free meals meeting my macros and calories with a higher surplus. I prefer to concentrate the fun foods in a certain frame of time so I don't feel like I'm pigging out.
I lost fat and gained muscled by upping my calories since march, and now have moderate amounts of carbs and 1800kcal daily. Felt bad about increasing kcal and started doing more cardio tho. I thought I was being balanced, eating and training hard and also eating what I felt like on the free meals.
But I worry ALL THE TIME. Heres what I think it's getting problematic:
1) I think about macros, calories and food all the time. I can't just see a meal for its taste, just by its nutritional value.
2) I feel bad if I can't work out everyday or do cardio everyday for almost an hour. I feel like I am gonna bloat or get fat. But I get frustrated because I get fed up of doing that much cardio, it's tiring.
3) I keep pinching my belly fat during the day or looking to the mirror multiple times a day.
4) I feel bad when I eat my free meals. I feel bad during social meetings where my friends and boyfriend are drinking and eating unclean foods. I feel bad if my family buy chocolate or leave cakes lying around the kitchen. I even argue with them if we go out to eat together on sundays and they pick a place where I can't track my macros.
5) I was a party person and used to go out like once a month to drink and dance. Now I refuse to drink and sleep late because I'm gonna get fat and won't be able to work out early in the morning.
6) I still crave the foods I feel bad eating. Sushi, pizza or burger and fried on the weekend. Dessert. I love them but hate them at the same time.
7) I weight myself everyday and I feel bad if there's a subtle change in weight due to fluctuations, poop, carbs or menstrual cicle. I then proceed to work out A LOT and I have taken light laxatives lately just to se the scale go down by friday and feel like I can reward myself with something tasty.
8) Some days I appreciate my gainz and definition and think I am getting too strong or ripped and think about reducing work out sessions and relax when it comes to being too strict. But other days I feel like I am falling off the track and not being focused enough.
9) I was super body positive but started to be an a-hole and dictate rules to other's people nutrition.
And most important, I have this big 18 day trip with my boyfriend to the most amazing places in a month and I can only think about the fact that I am not gonna have access to a gym and that I will surely want to drink beer, eat typical street food, chocolates and relax. I wanna enjoy it but I feel like I'm gonna loose all the progress and get fat.
Those made me feel bad before but now I'm having short anxieties crisis. I treated anxiety in the past but now it's coming back. In part because other aspects of my life are also stressful lately so I feel like I deserve to take a break from bodybuilding and taking it easier on myself. Moody all the time.
Am I just being focused and not working hard enough or these are ED signs? Do you think forcing myself into relaxing and enjoying my super special and expensive trip will "reset" my brain? Or maybe make me forget a bit about all of that stuff.
Thanks for listening to me.
First, my background:
I always loved working out but I was still chubby so I went to a nutritionist and lost almost 20lb by educating myself on food and doing low carb. Ended up ****ing up my metabolism and keept maintaining at 1400kcal, very restrictive, for more than a year. I had 40g carbs daily and I used to dream about food everyday.
Flexible dieting is triggering for me. Eating unclean food makes me bloat of glycogen and salts. So I went to a differenr nutritionist and he prescribed me a clean bulking diet with only clean food, except for going out on the weekends, when I can have 2 free meals meeting my macros and calories with a higher surplus. I prefer to concentrate the fun foods in a certain frame of time so I don't feel like I'm pigging out.
I lost fat and gained muscled by upping my calories since march, and now have moderate amounts of carbs and 1800kcal daily. Felt bad about increasing kcal and started doing more cardio tho. I thought I was being balanced, eating and training hard and also eating what I felt like on the free meals.
But I worry ALL THE TIME. Heres what I think it's getting problematic:
1) I think about macros, calories and food all the time. I can't just see a meal for its taste, just by its nutritional value.
2) I feel bad if I can't work out everyday or do cardio everyday for almost an hour. I feel like I am gonna bloat or get fat. But I get frustrated because I get fed up of doing that much cardio, it's tiring.
3) I keep pinching my belly fat during the day or looking to the mirror multiple times a day.
4) I feel bad when I eat my free meals. I feel bad during social meetings where my friends and boyfriend are drinking and eating unclean foods. I feel bad if my family buy chocolate or leave cakes lying around the kitchen. I even argue with them if we go out to eat together on sundays and they pick a place where I can't track my macros.
5) I was a party person and used to go out like once a month to drink and dance. Now I refuse to drink and sleep late because I'm gonna get fat and won't be able to work out early in the morning.
6) I still crave the foods I feel bad eating. Sushi, pizza or burger and fried on the weekend. Dessert. I love them but hate them at the same time.
7) I weight myself everyday and I feel bad if there's a subtle change in weight due to fluctuations, poop, carbs or menstrual cicle. I then proceed to work out A LOT and I have taken light laxatives lately just to se the scale go down by friday and feel like I can reward myself with something tasty.
8) Some days I appreciate my gainz and definition and think I am getting too strong or ripped and think about reducing work out sessions and relax when it comes to being too strict. But other days I feel like I am falling off the track and not being focused enough.
9) I was super body positive but started to be an a-hole and dictate rules to other's people nutrition.
And most important, I have this big 18 day trip with my boyfriend to the most amazing places in a month and I can only think about the fact that I am not gonna have access to a gym and that I will surely want to drink beer, eat typical street food, chocolates and relax. I wanna enjoy it but I feel like I'm gonna loose all the progress and get fat.
Those made me feel bad before but now I'm having short anxieties crisis. I treated anxiety in the past but now it's coming back. In part because other aspects of my life are also stressful lately so I feel like I deserve to take a break from bodybuilding and taking it easier on myself. Moody all the time.
Am I just being focused and not working hard enough or these are ED signs? Do you think forcing myself into relaxing and enjoying my super special and expensive trip will "reset" my brain? Or maybe make me forget a bit about all of that stuff.
Thanks for listening to me.
by itsmeisa via Bodybuilding.com Forums - Female Bodybuilding
ليست هناك تعليقات:
إرسال تعليق